Dating is supposed to be fun but what is your motivating factor when you’re looking to meet the “right guy”?
Are you after some fun and friendship with a bit of frolicking thrown in? Or are you hoping to test the waters and see if the could be “the one” for you?
Come to think of it, what is your definition of “the right one”?
Is it someone who shares the same interests and hobbies as you and just wants to enjoy life without too much commitment?
Or is it someone who shares your plans for the future and wants to have a family and settle down at some point?
Your angle, when it comes to dating, looking for true love and wanting to find your soul mate, depends largely on your age and what stage you’re at in your life.
As a recent grad fresh out of college, you’re more likely to be interested in your career and just enjoying life. You want to earn money, get that promotion, be able to eat at nice restaurants, buy nice clothes and possessions, travel and meet interesting people.
If you’re in your thirties and forties, chances are you’ve probably achieved a good level of success with your career. You are now more financially stable and find yourself thinking more about having a serious relationship with the end aim of getting married and settling down.
With men, however, its different. The way their mechanism is wired is to spread their seed. This might not be very politically correct but that’s how men are.
They want variety and in “their” ideal world they would prefer to have sex with lots of different women.
For women, the situation is quite different.
We have an inbuilt mechanism for wanting to settle or “mate” with one guy, producing offspring and nurturing them.
So ideally, we want to stick to the same mate, provided he ticks all of our boxes (must be good-looking, sexy, successful etc). We aren’t really built to “stray”.
We’d like to meet “the one guy”, fall in love, have a great serious relationship that brings with it with respect, commitment and loyalty. And then we live happily ever after.
Whilst we might not think about this until we’re in our 30s or 40s, it seems we spend a lot of time, dating and meeting different people, in order to get to that point where we feel we have at last found the right guy with whom we can share our lifelong dreams and watch sunsets as we both grow old together.
So why then does finding love, commitment and having a serious relationship seem to be such an elusive goal for so many women?
There are many reasons for this:
- falling for the wrong guy
- not knowing exactly what qualities you seek in a partner
- settling for what you get
- looking for men in the wrong places
- rushing into a relationship because of your biological clock, fear of being single, and so on
- meeting nice guys but messing up early on and hence never getting to the committed relationship stage
Obviously there are many more reasons but these tend to be the main ones.
Falling For The Wrong Guy
With hindsight, and especially when a relationship doesn’t go the way we hoped, it’s often easier to place the blame on the guy. Of course, if he cheated on you or was violent or abusive towards you, then the problem clearly lies with him.
But man women do end up investing a lot of time and energy in a relationship with a guy who clearly is not suited to them. This really leads stems from not knowing exactly what qualities you seek in a partner.
But usually it ends up being things like “we grew apart”, or “we didn’t have anything in common.
Finding the right guy means finding someone who shares your values and goals and doesn’t only tick your boxes of “handsome” and “sexy”. Getting the right guy and holding on to him requires some work on your part too.
If you take the time to list the qualities you are seeking in a partner, you increase your chances of homing in on those types of guys. So if you meet a loud-mouthed, sporty, super-confident guy in a bar, and he is not the “your type”, you’ll skip over him when you see him at the bar since he won’t really appear on your radar.
Hence you will never make the mistake of dating him and perhaps falling for him since you won’t allow that to happen.
If you don’t know what you are looking for or what you want, then how will you know when you see it?
This is why so many women who have no idea of the character traits they are looking for in partner, sometimes end up dating and getting into a relationship with someone they should not.
Settling For What You Get
Unfortunately, there are women who settle for what they get even when deep down inside they know this guy isn’t really the type of guy they would normally date.
But if a woman has enough bad experiences and her biological clock is ticking, then meeting someone who is nice, polite and friendly for a change and finding someone who is interested in a relationship, might make you lower your guard sufficiently so that you consider going out with him.
Your girlfriends will wonder what you’re doing and may even try to tell you that you can do better, but your blinkers have focused on him being “good material” that you can’t see the other factors where he is falling short.
Rushing Into Things Because You Feel The Clock Ticking
This point is closely interlinked with the “settling for what you get”.
There are women, who at the age of 40 or 44, fear they are not going to meet the type of guy they really want to be with, but because they fear their days for having children might be numbered, they are prone to settling down with whichever decent guy they’ll meet because they so badly want to have children whilst they can.
The raw passion and attraction might not be there, but that’s OK. Right now they’re thinking more about their ability to have children than about what a future with a guy who is incompatible.
Looking In The Wrong Places
Making sure that you look for like minded partners in the places where you know these types of guys would flock to. Nice single guys frequent lots of places, you just have to know where to look for them.
This is a KEY component of ensuring that you have achieve maximum success when it comes to finding someone who shares your hobbies and interests.
If you like fine wine and food, you’re going to increase your chances of meeting someone like this if you attend, say, a local wine-tasting group.
You stand more chance of meeting some here than if you went to a bar with your girlfriends on a Friday night.
Sure, with luck you might find someone there too……but at the wine-tasting club you’re increasing your chances of meeting “more like-minded” guys. There are likely to be more fish in that pond.
Messing Up With Dating & Never Getting To Serious Relationship Stage
Most women never move past the dating period and cross the bridge to having a serious relationship. Consequently, they never go down the path to getting engaged, getting married, settling down and starting a family.
Even though the guy might have been the right one for them.
They just didn’t realize it at the time and messed things up without knowing that they were sabotaging the relationship.
First dates can be a daunting experience and its common to get so nervous that you are tongue-tied or to spend the whole evening talking about yourself. This article on the do’s and don’t of dating for women might point you in the right direction.
More than this though, you have to know the sort of person you are and what your values are first. Because once you know THAT, then determining what you are looking for in a partner, becomes easier.
Which leads to the next point: knowing both things makes it easier for you to go to places where you are most likely to meet the type of guy who will have an interest in the types of things that you like.
Which means that when it come to dating, this makes knowing when you are going to bump into him and knowing what to talk about pretty redundant.
Which means you end up with a natural conversation that is stress-free and with no strings attached.
For example, going back to the earlier wine-tasting scenario.
Say you went to one of these events and you met a guy who caught your eye.
You don’t have to wonder when or if he will call you again.
You don’t have to go on a first date and wonder what the conversation will be like.
You don’t have to wonder what things he likes and whether you have anything in common.
Because, for starters you both like wine-tasting.
So you know the chances are high that you will see him at the next wine-tasting event.
Your conversation can start off with discussions of the last wine-tasting event or anything to do with wine.
Since you are in a setting with other people, it will seem most natural for you both to meet here.
If you both like each other, knowing that you have at least one hobby or interest in common is enough to get you both going, at least to start off with for a first date.
And by then, you’ll know enough about each other since you have been meeting regularly at these events.
If you want to:
- find a soul mate
- find the love of your life
- know how to make a man commit
- make him want a relationship
- learn how to keep a guy interested
- really want to be getting serious in a relationship
Then you just have to:
- know what you want
- go to the right places
- meet the right type of guy
You have to make it more of a conscious strategy and less of a hit-and-miss type of event. If you are trying to find love, you can find out more about it from reading this excellent Girl Gets Ring system – click here for more details.
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