Relationships that don’t work out can leave a trail of sadness and destruction in their wake.
Not all relationships end in a friendly manner with both sides deciding to go their separate ways.
Though it obviously makes for an easier life and a smoother path to tread on going forward if this is the case.
Why Couples Break Up
The sadness and anger come when one side of the twosome decides that they no longer love you/have grown apart from you/need their own space/feel the relationship is going nowhere/it’s not working out/needs to clear their head.
Relationships break up all the time. Look at Demi and Ashton, Brad and Jen, Ben Affleck and Jay Lo, Arnie and Maria Shriver and not forgetting the rocky relationship of Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor.
But when YOUR relationship breaks up it seems that everything stops. The world holds nothing and you don’t want to go on anymore.
Fortunately for women, they have a great support structure to help them get over a breakup.
It doesn’t matter who did the dumping. The death of a relationship is great for getting women together over breakfast/brunch/lunch/dinner/drinks or all of these things.
For a man however, the support structure is barely there.
Of course, it doesn’t help you that don’t want to talk about it either.
Woman love to talk about these things. They love discussing feelings, emotions, talking about lots of past events, getting nostalgic about the relationship that was and lamenting over the state of the relationship as things stand.
Although as a man you PROBABLY might want to do this, there is no way you’re going to get a bunch of your buddies together over a beer and pour your heart out.
It’s just not going to happen.
When it comes to dealing with breakups men really do want to be left alone but they also want to know what to do. They want to be able to discuss their feelings but feel that they can’t.
Some of you may want to cry too and you probably will – just not in front of anyone.
Why She Left You
As always, there is no one simple, glaringly obvious reason why your girlfriend left you.
Unless you’ve been cheating and she caught you out. This is a good enough reason for her to get up and go. And, frankly speaking, who could blame her?
But why were you cheating? What was missing from your relationship that you felt the need to cheat?
Usually, a relationship breakup is more likely to be the result of a build up of many things over time.
And what probably happened is that one day your girl woke up and decided that enough was enough and off she went. Leaving you to wonder what happened.
One of the most common reasons that women will leave a man is because they don’t feel valued or appreciated by them anymore.
When it comes to the sexes, women as a whole don’t cheat or leave a relationship because they want more sex or because they want to experience intimacy with lots of different men. So this is not why women leave or cheat.
What women want above all, it to feel your love and to get your attention.
Now, this can be taken to an extreme and you might just end up with a woman who turns out to be completely needy, clingy and desperate for your love and attention. To the point that this seems abnormal. We’re not talking about the kind of woman who is going to boil your pet rabbit.
“Normal” women value the intimacy, closeness, love and attention that they get from being in a relationship.
When you stop giving your woman this, she starts to feel unappreciated and unloved.
To her it seems that you no longer have time to talk to her, time to spend with her or that you want to be with her. Now this could all be above board and completely innocent with regards to you.
It could be that you’re overworked and only have time to unwind at home (which for a man means sitting in front of the TV with a beer in silence).
But your woman doesn’t see it like that.
She feels that you are pulling away and becoming increasingly distant with her.
She feels there is now a void in the relationship..
You’re no longer there for her.
She feels you don’t love her or need her, you certainly don’t behave as if you value and appreciate her.
So she finds someone else who seems to shower her with compliments and gives her the attention that you once did.
This could be someone she works with, a friend of a friend, an old-time acquaintance who just got back in touch.
She finds herself having conversations and sharing her thoughts and emotions with this other guy because you’re not around or providing her with that yourself.
Soon, you’ll either get to the stage where you constantly row about things and at the bottom of the rows is the reason that she feels unappreciated.
So, she either cheats on you, or has an emotional affair with another man.
Whichever way you look at it, she’s getting something from somewhere else because you can’t give it to her.
How To Stop Her From Slipping Out Of Your Life
So now she’s gone and you’re left in a mess.
If you didn’t realize that you were neglecting her, and also your relationship, then chances are that being dumped in this way will have come as a bit of a shock to you.
If you can see that the relationship wasn’t going anywhere or you are the one that dumped her, its still possible to feel the pain. Just because you wanted the relationship finished does not mean you don’t have any feelings of sadness.
All relationships, no matter how badly they end, started off with a spark of passion. After all, that’s how you got together in the first place isn’t it?
So it is natural to still feel a sense of loss and to remember the good times once a relationship had ended.
Going through the pain is good because it shows you that the relationship was wonderful, special and meant something to you, at some point.
You’re going to go through the natural feelings of sadness when you break up which are vital in order to get over a break up properly.
But if you want her back, you’ll need to carefully think of how you will go about doing this.
The last thing you want to do is to pester her. Which means you do NOT phone her, text her, Skype her, email her, hound her on Facebook or stalk her.
Give yourself some time to clear your head.
Keep away from her, resist the urge to get in contact with her, stay away from people and places where you are likely to meet one another.
Try to meet up with old friends (that she doesn’t know) so that you can stop moping around at home.
It will do you good to be around other people for a change. You also don’t want to give yourself the chance to get into a major depression over your break up.
So you need to carry on with life, taking things one day at a time.
You still need to go to work and eat, work out and meet friends.
Try to go at least a month without contacting your ex-girlfriend.
By the end of the month, your head will be that much clearer.
You’ll be able to be more objective about the relationship and hopefully see what the problems were.
If you want to get back with her again, there are lots of different things you can do to get back in touch whilst still giving her space. You don’t want to come across as being to needy and desperate.
It could also be the case that she will have contacted you before the month is up and maybe she wants to get back together with you.
Whatever you decide, having a month to yourself after your breakup is vital, because it will bring the much needed clarity that will help you to decide your way forward.