getting over griefIf you are coping with a relationship that has ended and are looking for healing after breakup, knowing the 5 stages of grief will help you on your way to healing your broken heart.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, a Swiss American psychiatrist, came up with the “Grief Cycle model” which was first published her infamous book “On Death & Dying”. You can find out more about her here:

The grief cycle model can apply to different situations, not just death and can help you to deal with a relationship break up or to help you get over a broken heart especially when there is no chance of you getting your relationship back.

The 5 stages of grief are:

This is when you have a conscious or unconscious refusal to accept that you are splitting up and that your marriage is over or that your relationship has ended.

You deny the truth of the matter and hope that by doing so, your relationship will improve. Another part of the denial process is to also deny that you were the cause of any problems in the relationship and the fact that it has ended is because of your partner.

Anger is the most visible of the emotions and can manifest in many ways. You will get angry with yourself, the situation, your partner, your friends, your family and anyone else who gets in the way. Being angry is also a way to keep yourself detached from other people since they will avoid you when they see that you are angry and upset and think you may need some time to yourself.

Sometimes the anger may be illogical, such as when a someone gets angry when their partner dies – but though it doesn’t make sense to get angry, the anger is real as experienced by the suffering partner..

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross conducted her study mainly for people who were close to dying and she found that people often turned to god (even if they were atheists before) in a last ditch attempt to find a cure or resolution for illness.

When it comes to coping with marriage breakup for instance, people will look for a compromise such as wanting to still remain in touch or still be friends. They don’t want the breakup to be final, they still want to see the other partner.

When the reality of the breakup or divorce finally sinks in then depression and despair will take over. It’s when you finally start to accept the situation and acknowledge that the breakup is final. Depression can mean a whole host of feelings going through your heart and mind, such as sadness, regrets, a feeling of failure, fear and uncertainty about the future.

The final stage of the grief cycle will be different for different people and their situations. Although in this stage there is some emotional detachment, whereas in the Depression stage there is emotional attachment (hence the sad feelings).

With emotional detachment, you can put a distance between yourself and the breakup and see it more objectively, perhaps even seeing your own role in the relationship breakup.

As you can see, the 5 stages of grief, which describe the feelings someone goes through when they have lost someone to death or when a relationship breaks up, are all part of the healing process.

Healing a broken heart is easier to do if you are aware and go through the stages as described above.

Only once you have completed the five stages of grief, are you at the point where you are over your relationship breakup and ready to move on.

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